I made some purchases today - and desired to make more, but it's December, and Christmas is right around the corner. How come it's only now that I am 26 and an adult that I know what I would ask for?
Purchase: Mediabistro.com Avant Guild Membership and Freelance Marketplace subscription. $55 dollars plus $15 monthly.
Desired purchase: Down dog t's from stayhuman.com
My new goal is to either submit something to a literary magazine, or to send one query each week. Doable.
It's weird to find yourself in the same cycles. The web remembers. It was Dec. 2007 when I last had an Avant Guild membership. It's December again, life slows down, but I still have yet to accept that. I'm fighting against the freeze! What I really end up doing though, I spreading myself too thin, and taking my focus away from other important things, like the jobs and commitments I have already.
So glad to have spent most of the day with Robynne Anne Locke yesterday! We always get too deep about career and life though, going along with my mood of the last week. I think maybe this cycle is perpetuated by another - the travel cycle. I tend to travel every November. Perhaps it shortens or elongates the fall season, so when December comes, I'm scattered.
December is the prettiest month name.
Beginning delicately,
like shards of thin ice
I place in my mouth,
to taste the winter.
Turned too quickly
the edge is as sharp as a knife -
the iron taste lingers
and blends with the grit
taking me further
into the darkness
of the season.
I decided not go to yoga tonight, since the truck is broken again, and I need tires. I did an experimental practice at home - though I may venture out to buy a bottle of the darkest red to first alleviate my cabin fever before I come back home to relish in it.
December 09, 2009
December 06, 2009
Blue
It's said that starting something new on the first Monday in December is a bad idea. The waves started first. She was sure they were waves, the comforting, familiar sound of white and blue and the whoosh as the water trickled back through the sand. She didn't open her eyes for a long while, wanting to hover in the half awake, half asleep feeling for as long as possible. But inevitably, then sunlight pulled her to the surface, and she was conscious.
Canary sheets, new, clean, cool. Alone. She stood up, still holding onto one corner, and stepped through the open doorway of this room, into the sun room off the side. The front door was open too. Open to an expanse of yellow sand, and the cobalt sea that woke her. Dropping the sheet, in underwear and a tee, she sat at the small table in the center of the room. She felt the cold, polygonal shapes of the mosaic making indents in her thighs. She traced the designs on the small matching coffee table. A few wild grains of the ocre sand had pushed their way in through the open doorway, the breeze was warm, as though it was coming off a dessert, not the ocean. In the most casual way, she felt lost.
"Coffee?"
She spun around, this was real? Well, she'd "Love some..."
The woman was friendly, familiar, but she couldn't remember her name...her mother? No, certainly not. But images did not come flooding back to her. She hoped when she brought the coffee, the woman would sit down and join her.
Again realizing she was in her underwear, she decided to look in the dresser across from the end of the bed. It was filled with her clothes, things that smelled familiar. She grabbed a wrap-skirt, and tied it around her waist. She picked the sheet back up, but only to place it back on the bed, unmade. She felt lost, yet comfortable. Not quite sure where she was, or why, but at the same time, not surprised.
The woman came back with the coffee, and did join her at the table with her own small cup. "Thank you..." she trailed off.
"Lydia," smiling. "I own this small inn here. You've been sleeping for a day or so...you had a long few days of travel...Joan."
That opened a door. Joan slowly sipped her coffee, sensing conversation was not necessarily necessary. She was brought a little closer to earth, a little more of the dreamlike cloud she felt like she was in lifted. "Thank you...yes, it was a long few days...coming from LA." She looked out at the blue water again...waves continuously and quietly crushing the sand into even tinier bits. Fiji. She had known nothing about it, wanted to go on a vacation alone. Here she was.
"Thank you for the coffee, I think I needed it." Said Joan. "I am sorry if I am acting a bit loopy, I must have needed this vacation badly."
"Think nothing of it, Joan. I think you're right on - spend the day on the beach, relaxing. I will be around and we can talk whenever you'd like."
"Do you have an international phone I can use?" asked Joan.
"Yes, of course. Who would you like to call?"
Joan didn't know. She just felt so out of touch...wouldn't some one be worried about where she was? 'I am a grown woman,' thought Joan to herself, looking down at the same time towards her own lap.
Lydia rose, taking the empty cups with her, seemingly satisfied with out an answer.
Joan did not feel depressed, did not get back into bed. The coffee had not cleared her head, but had given her some energy. She went back to her dresser, and decided to grab her notebook to write down her thoughts, or at least put pen ot paper to try to find them.
There was a small, new notebook in her dresser, with an envelope sticking out the top. She picked up the empty notebook, and pulled out the letter, from her sister.
(((More to come soon...)))
Canary sheets, new, clean, cool. Alone. She stood up, still holding onto one corner, and stepped through the open doorway of this room, into the sun room off the side. The front door was open too. Open to an expanse of yellow sand, and the cobalt sea that woke her. Dropping the sheet, in underwear and a tee, she sat at the small table in the center of the room. She felt the cold, polygonal shapes of the mosaic making indents in her thighs. She traced the designs on the small matching coffee table. A few wild grains of the ocre sand had pushed their way in through the open doorway, the breeze was warm, as though it was coming off a dessert, not the ocean. In the most casual way, she felt lost.
"Coffee?"
She spun around, this was real? Well, she'd "Love some..."
The woman was friendly, familiar, but she couldn't remember her name...her mother? No, certainly not. But images did not come flooding back to her. She hoped when she brought the coffee, the woman would sit down and join her.
Again realizing she was in her underwear, she decided to look in the dresser across from the end of the bed. It was filled with her clothes, things that smelled familiar. She grabbed a wrap-skirt, and tied it around her waist. She picked the sheet back up, but only to place it back on the bed, unmade. She felt lost, yet comfortable. Not quite sure where she was, or why, but at the same time, not surprised.
The woman came back with the coffee, and did join her at the table with her own small cup. "Thank you..." she trailed off.
"Lydia," smiling. "I own this small inn here. You've been sleeping for a day or so...you had a long few days of travel...Joan."
That opened a door. Joan slowly sipped her coffee, sensing conversation was not necessarily necessary. She was brought a little closer to earth, a little more of the dreamlike cloud she felt like she was in lifted. "Thank you...yes, it was a long few days...coming from LA." She looked out at the blue water again...waves continuously and quietly crushing the sand into even tinier bits. Fiji. She had known nothing about it, wanted to go on a vacation alone. Here she was.
"Thank you for the coffee, I think I needed it." Said Joan. "I am sorry if I am acting a bit loopy, I must have needed this vacation badly."
"Think nothing of it, Joan. I think you're right on - spend the day on the beach, relaxing. I will be around and we can talk whenever you'd like."
"Do you have an international phone I can use?" asked Joan.
"Yes, of course. Who would you like to call?"
Joan didn't know. She just felt so out of touch...wouldn't some one be worried about where she was? 'I am a grown woman,' thought Joan to herself, looking down at the same time towards her own lap.
Lydia rose, taking the empty cups with her, seemingly satisfied with out an answer.
Joan did not feel depressed, did not get back into bed. The coffee had not cleared her head, but had given her some energy. She went back to her dresser, and decided to grab her notebook to write down her thoughts, or at least put pen ot paper to try to find them.
There was a small, new notebook in her dresser, with an envelope sticking out the top. She picked up the empty notebook, and pulled out the letter, from her sister.
(((More to come soon...)))
November 30, 2009
The best peanut butter...ever
Soy, soy, soy.
With the help of The Nutty Vermonter I made some spicy peanut noodles. (she has recipes on her site, but I kind of just threw this one together.)
Package of firm tofu
peanut oil
2 scallions
a red pepper, sliced thinly
parsley
3 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/4 c of Maple and Chipotle Triple Nut Butter
one roll of Udon noodles (for serving one, use more noodles for more people)
saute the tofu and red peppers in the oil for a few minutes, then add the rest of the ingredients - all while boiling the udon noodles (8 mins). It's a very quick dinner. I am so happy I had all of this on hand.
It's a bit spicy, and my sauce was pretty thick actually. But it was good, and I have leftovers to put right alongside the Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge. Not really a local recipe...but you can get many local ingredients - plus I like always love to support my local peanut butter lady ;)
The Maple and Ginger Triple Nut Butter is FRICKIN AWESOME. I want to get more...
Going to pick Jamie up and work - and oh yeah, I haven't showered yet after yoga...ew.
With the help of The Nutty Vermonter I made some spicy peanut noodles. (she has recipes on her site, but I kind of just threw this one together.)
Package of firm tofu
peanut oil
2 scallions
a red pepper, sliced thinly
parsley
3 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/4 c of Maple and Chipotle Triple Nut Butter
one roll of Udon noodles (for serving one, use more noodles for more people)
saute the tofu and red peppers in the oil for a few minutes, then add the rest of the ingredients - all while boiling the udon noodles (8 mins). It's a very quick dinner. I am so happy I had all of this on hand.
It's a bit spicy, and my sauce was pretty thick actually. But it was good, and I have leftovers to put right alongside the Thanksgiving leftovers in the fridge. Not really a local recipe...but you can get many local ingredients - plus I like always love to support my local peanut butter lady ;)
The Maple and Ginger Triple Nut Butter is FRICKIN AWESOME. I want to get more...
Going to pick Jamie up and work - and oh yeah, I haven't showered yet after yoga...ew.
November 29, 2009
Sunday
Jamie came home. He's showering.
We are going to get our Christmas tree.
I have put the turkey breast (previously mentioned) in my new crockpot - birthday present!
On a bed of:
- scallions
- onion (chopped)
- parsnips
- celery
Stuffed (under the skin) with:
- a ton of sage
- thyme from the garden
- 1/2 stick of butter
Salt & pepper.
We'll have home-made cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes.
We are going to get our Christmas tree.
I have put the turkey breast (previously mentioned) in my new crockpot - birthday present!
On a bed of:
- scallions
- onion (chopped)
- parsnips
- celery
Stuffed (under the skin) with:
- a ton of sage
- thyme from the garden
- 1/2 stick of butter
Salt & pepper.
We'll have home-made cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes.
November 28, 2009
Inspiration
"Cat"
We lay in that bed one sunny evening after making love
and decided to name our first girl Cat, we were going
to name her Cat, but now we have departed forever from our
love-making, and we will not have a little girl, nor any
children at all, and I am doomed to become the poet
in your dreams who falls continually like the evening rain.
-- Richard Brautigan
Get lost.
We lay in that bed one sunny evening after making love
and decided to name our first girl Cat, we were going
to name her Cat, but now we have departed forever from our
love-making, and we will not have a little girl, nor any
children at all, and I am doomed to become the poet
in your dreams who falls continually like the evening rain.
-- Richard Brautigan
Get lost.
Solace
My family tells me that they consider me their 'food' person - that my ideas and attempts inspire them to learn more, or make better decisions, and cook good food. This makes me feel good. Being in Burlington, I meet people every day who inspire me in this regard, most I am intimidated to even get into a conversation with. Sometimes I feel like I am one of those people who have yet to move past the ability to spit out what I read (...what's the word?)
No matter - there is no need for me to find more things to feel guilty about. Tonight I spent probably 2 hours in City Market, 40 minutes of that conversing with a yoga friend who is also my inspiration to buy a juicer.
What all these people have in common is their attempt to be aware of their actions and decisions - in this case, regarding food, and what they put into their bodies. Ingesting is necessary, it is a requirement for life, and I think good, healthy food is a requirement to fulfill our humanness.
I am reading a great book right now called "Gardens; An Essay on the Human Condition," by Robert Pogue Harrison. I know, heady. Did you even make it past reading his name? Though scholarly and dense, there are some simple ideals in there I found and love.
He reflects on a photography book by Margaret Morton called "Transitory Gardens, Uprooted Lives" that features gardens created by the homeless or destitute in New York. Rather than creating some kind of shelter, which we would assume they would be in more immediate need of, these people create gardens, a place of repose. "A sanctuary of repose...is a distinctly human need, as opposed to shelter, which is a distinctly animal need, so much so, that where the latter is lacking, as it is for these unlikely gardeners, the former becomes all the more urgent."
We need good food like we need transitory gardens - our animal need can fulfill itself simply through the ingestion of calories, but our human need must be satisfied through healthy choices. Choices good for our body, community, world and yessss SOUL. We must utilize and satisfy our consciousness.
And don't worry, I'm not a super food freak...yet. I believe comfort food is just as important for our minds and bodies as any spirulina shake. We've just got to find some kind of balance and consistency...I'm on the search.
November 27, 2009
First slush tonight
And I'm staying in.
I want skills. But more than just the skills (which are easy enough to gain) I want to get good at them, to do them over and over again until it becomes true knowledge and meditation. Like baking bread: Bread idea.
Guess that means taking the time to do something, regularly. I hope I am capable of something like that. I am comforted in some ways that perhaps this is a skill that is not mastered when one is young, that maybe as I get older, I will be able to sit still for longer periods of time, to think less, to slow and focus my thoughts. Practice. Even without much effort, and just practice, I believe one can't help but get better at something. Like blogging (which I hate calling blogging) Ill call it writing, well typing. It's easy this way.
My GOODNESS I ingested a lot yesterday...some things which I will not speak of here. (Note, the pic above is not from Thanksgiving, but from my trip to Austria in August.) We spent the night at our friends', which was the smart decision. I can't tell what kind of confusion or guilt I am feeling, but I know it's nonsense - and I feel it too often. Travel really does throw off my discipline, which is another reason I decided to stay home this weekend.
Om suryaya namaha
I chanted this often while I was gone. It's a mantra calling upon the sun, the dispeller of darkness. Dispell me from this dark cycle of thought. Dispell us from our ingestion sickness.
I am making a grocery list, and I am very bad at buying snacks, because I dislike buying prepackaged things. Any suggestions? (I want to get more of this nut butter at the next farmer's market.)
On this note, I have purchased daily multi-vitamins for Jamie and I for the winter...I'll post more on that soon.
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